5.27.12
dance. what is dance to me? it’s a safe-haven. it’s my home. it’s my lover. it’s my
healer. it’s my life. i dance all the time. i tap my feet when i’m bored. i daydream
about dance at school. i practice my turns at home in the hallways. i dance around
in the shower. i move my feet around when i’m standing up. literally i dance from
the minute i wake up to the minute i go to sleep. dance has always been apart of
my life since i was two and a half up until now and on ’till forever. there is nothing
that i am more passionate about. there is nothing more than gives me joy and
happiness. there is nothing better than the feeling of doing perfect turns. there is
nothing that makes me happier than pique turns from the corner. there is nothing
that i love more than picking my outfit out for dance hours before class. dance is
my life. and the saddest part about that is that i am so beyond injured that
sometimes i am unable to take class and have to sit out. there is nothing that i hate
more than dancing around and all of a sudden my knees give in and i fall to the
floor. there is nothing i hate more than going up on releva* and my ankles burst
out in pain. there is nothing i hate more than stretching and having my knees hurt
so bad that i have to stop and cry on the floor and curl up in a ball and just hate
the world and hate my problems. there is nothing that makes me more upset than
all of this. there is nothing in the world i love more than dance and hate more than
dance. there is nothing in the world that i want to solve right now except what in
the world is wrong with my knees. and my ankles. and my wrists. and my back.
and my flat feet. basically everything that could be wrong with my body is wrong
and i will find a cure for this. there is nothing i want more than that.
and i know that everything is better, but i still have some of my depression left in me. help me. help me. please.
(Source: mortaridilohtar)
5.26.12
it’s like i want to believe that it wasn’t true
i want to believe that you still care about me too
that you still like me. love me. want me
that you still see what i see
please tell me it wasn’t true at all
please i don’t want to fall
come back to me, come back to me
and we’ll see if it was meant to be
5.25.12
they always say how guys come and go and then were just one step closer to our soulmate. and right now i’m just tired of all these guys. i just want to find the one i’m gonna marry already. i’m sick of getting hurt over and over again. God, just help me find him already…
sleeping to dream
And I’m dreaming of sleeping next to you
And feeling like a lost little boy in a brand new town
Couting my sheep and each one that passes by is another dream to ashes
And they all fall down.
And I lay me down tonight
I close my eyes
What a beautiful sight
Sleeping to dream about you
And I’m so damn tired
Of having to live without you
But I don’t mind at all
Sleeping to dream about you and I’m so tired
I found myself in the riches
Your eyes, your lips, your hair
Well you were everywhere out there
But I woke up in the ditches,
I hit the light and I thought you might be here
But you were nowhere
Oh love, You were nowhere at home
As I lay me down back to sleep
This love I breathe and I can’t keep
Sleeping to dream about you
And I’m so damn tired
Of having to live without but I don’t mind
Sleeping to dream about you
And I’m so tired
It’s just a little a lullaby to keep myself from crying myself to sleep at night
Oh just a lullabye to keep from crying myself to sleep
Sleeping to dream about you
And I’m so tired
Of having to live without you
And I’m so tired
By Jason Mraz
5.23.12
so today i realized two things about myself. one, that i am still a shy girl who is too afraid to tell the guy she likes how she feels. and two, that i need to change it. why on earth am i so shy? i keep thinking about it. why? why? why? is it because i’m scared of being hurt? well no, because i know he likes me back. then is it because i’m afraid that if i do tell him how i feel, that we’ll go too fast? well no cause i know he doesn’t wanna go too fast either. well then what is it? is it just i’m scared of messing up? well a little, but i shouldn’t be. is it also because i’m scared that he won’t admit to how he feels? pretty much a lot. but those are all just reasons for being scared. but i shouldn’t be. i need to become confident. and i need to tell him how i feel now, because if i never do it, then we’ll just always be left wondering what could of happened. and i don’t want that. so tomorrow i’m gonna do it. i don’t care if i get scared and want to run away. i’m gonna do it. and if i don’t i will literally hate myself for the rest of my life. because i really like this guy and i don’t think i’ve ever felt this way about any other guy in my life before..
